There’s no reason to cry, but there is for me

Dear diary,

It’s one of those days where I just want to curl up in my bed and bawl my eyes out. What am I even saying, that’s pretty much what I have been doing all day. There is nothing specific that has even happened, no one has hurt my feelings or made me sad, but I have this overpowering need to let out all of my emotions and cry my eyes out to let out the pain. I absolutely hate these days, and they happen a lot. It’s a combination of feeling utterly lonely, and completely hollow inside.

This is the depression part, and I need to keep reminding myself that it doesn’t last forever and it’s just one of those days. It hurts, or at least it feels like it hurts because my serotonin levels are at a complete and utter low. I know that going for a walk in the sunshine would probably make me feel better, I might cry along the way but seeing the pretty Spring flowers and listening to the bird sing would definitely help in some way, but it’s not that easy. Just getting out of the house is hard enough when I feel like this and just by saying it out loud makes me cry so you can imagine the state I am in today.

I think I prefer having an anxiety or panic attack over this feeling because at least my eyes don’t swell up, and at least it doesn’t last for as long as this feeling. I wish I could just go outside into the garden and do some yoga to relax the mind, not that I am some yogi, but I took a few classes and really enjoyed it and found it helps with coping. But I can’t even do that, I don’t have the energy. I don’t have the energy for anything and I just want to be alone by myself with my sad thoughts and my tissues.

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