It’s that time of day/week/weeks, however long, and my phone rings with a number that I do not recognise, or it’s a friend whom I love dearly, but I can’t help it, I just don’t want to talk today. My mobile is permanently on silent mostly because I don’t even want to see people call me, or hear the ringtone. Putting my phone on vibrate is a heart attack to me too, so purely silent mode it is. I have always been like this, my sister would constantly probe me saying “you never answer your phone” “do you even have a phone” etc. I know it seems like i’m a terrible person, or at least that is how I feel with my anxiety. I know that really, I am not a terrible person, I am actually a pretty nice person with good intentions and a constant want to be a people-pleaser but I just don’t know how I should be on the phone…like “hello (super cheery high pitched voice) how are you! I have missed you.” When really, I haven’t missed you because I am more than content with being home alone, or snuggled up just watching a movie with my boyfriend and my dogs.
Is it bad of me that I don’t really feel the need to constantly be around people. As a kid I would invite friends over to my house after school, and I only did this because other kids did it and I wanted to fit in. But as they got to my house I would go upstairs, lock myself in my bedroom and just want to be alone. I remember my mum would have to call up their parents and say I wasn’t feeling well, or even sometime she would ask my sister if she would play barbies with my friends. I always thought I was a weird kid, there are so many occurrences like this, but this is my first post and we shall take it slowly, but don’t worry we will definitely get into it! But getting back to the phone call issues… if I do answer the phone, then comes the stress of wondering when the conversation will end…do I end it? Does she? I hope it’s her because I don’t want her to think i’m being rude. Always wondering what other people are thinking of me. That is pretty much anxiety summed up. Or at least phone anxiety anyway.